I’m just one of 330 million plus Americans Trying to find meaning in this bizarre time.
I’ve spent a lot of time on the road, or busting myself with projects. Ultimately you are left with yourself.
When you have your health, you have everything. When you do not have your health, nothing else matters at all.
— Augusten Burroughs, Dry
I had so many plans and goals for 2020, and as my Google calendar reminds me of trips, activities and appointments, all I can think of is that old adage: You plan, God laughs.
I would rush from activity to activity. Now I have to convince myself to shave my head and other areas as if I am still entertaining visitors.
I’ve made a name off of routines and resolutions and I’m caught a little flat footed.
There’s no control, so I have to give myself over to whatever the plan is.
P.S. – Get a privacy screen filter just in case.
I used to be concerned when I was younger at how comfortable I was in my own skin. I could spend hours entertaining myself, or lost in my thoughts. Now as and adult, I’m consoled by how quickly I adjusted to this. I have my clients who i serve, same as before. I get to work from home, same as before.
But I actually got to take a moment and think about my accomplishments and how blessed I have been.
A few weeks before the shut down, I said goodbye to two family members. One my mentor and protector, the other my peer. For one of the funerals, I traveled to the place of my birth in Pennsylvania, and saw familiar streets. I came away with gratitude for where I came from and the motivation to continue being the best I could be for myself and others.
A few weeks later, I was visiting my old high school, meeting students and filming a video about my life and career.
- I filmed a video
- I mentored kids
- I volunteered to this candle series for charity and I’m headed to the Smithsonian!
- I wrote long cards to loved ones
- I worked on my website
- I ate my weight in brownies and pizza.
- My daily walks to a local bar for takeout drinks.
- I turned off the news as much as possible.
- I started investing in stocks. Enough to catch Peleton before it took off but a day late for Zoom. Can’t have it all, I suppose.
It’s a far cry from a few months ago when I was dealing with several familial losses and other disappointments. But one thing was for certain: I found a level of clarity.
How do you find meaning in these days ?
I’ve caught up on my to do and one day list. That Netflix watch list has finally gotten its workout. Apple sends its weekly review judging my amount of web surfing.
I got to work on designs for leisure which made me remember what it was like to be a boy dreaming of creating art.
I spend a lot of time thinking about what the new normal will be.
Minor inconveniences reveal us. Who are we without our trappings? Who are people without their curated Instagram lives?
This is the way towards doing things differently, hopefully with more grace, compassion and care. I’m here for that part, and rightly worried about the disparities that will keep people from adequate care.
The so-called “normal” never was.
A few months ago, I was begging the world to stop spinning so quickly. I wouldn’t want this grim reality for anyone but it’s making me question so many things:
- Could those face to face meetings been calls or emails all along?
- Are five day work weeks really productive or necessary?
- As a culture, do we need pants?
- Did my life have enough life?
I have friends planning to welcome babies. I’m looking for a new home at the moment. Somehow life will find a way.
What do you do when the only thing left is you, left with yourself?
I pray each of us has something to tether ourselves to, and I’m hopeful we’ll see each other on the other side of this, not taking for granted the opportunity of each day and our ability to influence each other positively.
